Joel A Levy

Joel A Levy

Becoming a Black Belt in Life

Posts Tagged discipline

Kids love discipline

Aug 5

Posted by Joel Levy in Child Safety, Martial Arts | No Comments

As a professional educator for the past 20 years, I have observed one phenomenon over and over again. Kids seem to be happier, and feel more safe and secure when they have structure and discipline in their lives. They are often told what not to do, but that does not necessarily offer them any clear structure for disciplined behavior in what to do.

Legendary dog trainer Cesar Milan insists that for dogs to be happy and balanced they need rules, boundaries, and limitations. In other words, discipline.

Kids are very much the same. They consistently look for structure and discipline if it is not otherwise given.

Here is an experiment I often do to prove my theory. I take a group of kids and say, “We are going to play a game of (e.g. dodgeball). Ok, play”. Right away they say “Wait a minute, what are the rules?”. Then I give them one rule only and tell them to play. Immediately they say, “Wait, what about…?” looking for clarification of the rules regarding any variety of situations that might come up.

I then engage them in a full on explanation of the rules (discipline structure) of the game. Only when they are satisfied that all the rules have been covered will they want to play.

Guess what happens when one of them breaks the rules? You guessed it – they all jump on it and are not satisfied unless the rule-breaker (he/she who demonstrated a lack of regard for the structure and discipline of the game) receives a consequence.

Time and time again, the kids themselves show me that structure and discipline creates happier, well balanced kids. Try an experiment of your own and shoot me a comment.

If you are looking for an environment that promotes respect for others, responsibility for one’s actions, and discipline for oneself for your own children, check out the Family Martial Arts Academy Summer Karate Camp. Students in our camp really do become physically fit, self-confident, and able to defend themselves if they have to. Kids love it so much they even want to stay for aftercare.

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It’s all about how you behave

Jun 25

Posted by Joel Levy in Martial Arts, Personal Growth | 1 Comment

Karate summer camp promotions were superb. I loved seeing happy, focused and respectful kids doing their best. The big lesson we discussed at the end of promotions was the importance of discipline. We all agreed that the strongest person in the world is the person who is in control of him/herself. One student piped in that she knew what karate was all about, when I asked her what it was, she smiled and said, “It is all about how you behave!” She couldn’t have been more right and I couldn’t have been more proud. We always teach that karate is not about fighting or defeating an opponent, rather it is about the positive character traits you develop through training.

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Teach yourself to respond rather than react

Jun 17

Posted by Joel Levy in Anger Management | 4 Comments

“When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.”
Thomas Jefferson

A simple anger management technique.

Often times when a stressful situation occurs, we react to it in the heat of the moment. It is natural to become tense or stressed or angry as a response to something or someone that upsets us.

We have all heard that it is helpful to count to ten when we feel our emotions rising, and it is actually pretty good advice – but why?

Think of it like this. By delaying your emotional response you are exercising a modicum of control over your emotional state. You are not saying “I am not human, and I don’t get angry.” You are saying, “Ok, I’m going to get angry, but not this very second.” And in consciously controlling your present emotional state you actually do manage to calm down a little bit, so your emotional response will not be as strong as it might have been. And if the emotion flares up again you can again consciously choose to delay a reaction. In addition, the more you practice controlling your emotional state, the more in control of it you will be.

That is how you teach yourself to respond rather than react. It is sort of like letting a bowl of very hot soup sit for a minute or two before eating it so you don’t burn yourself. Think of how many times you have ‘burned yourself’ and regretted an emotional outburst and wished you had waited until you were calm to intelligently respond.

The next time you feel you want to blow up, ask yourself if that is what you really want to do. Then say, ok I may feel angry or tense, but I am going to walk away from this right now and address it in a little while. Give yourself a little time to relax. Take a walk, or do some pushups, or find something else that works for you. You may find yourself handling life’s pressures much more smoothly.

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Black Belt Parenting

Nov 17

Posted by Joel Levy in Personal Growth | 2 Comments

As parents, many of us have a natural inclination towards making life as easy as possible for our kids.  We want them to have it better than we did, and certainly don’t ever want to see them suffer.

But is that really the best thing for them?  Sometimes when life is too easy in childhood, it becomes too hard in adulthood.

Some of the world’s most successful people were born poor, and attribute their later success to the fact that they learned how to work early on.  That is not to say that we should aspire to be poor for its inherent lessons, but it does mean that we may not want to chew and swallow our kids’ food for them either.

Resistance makes us stronger.  Think about it.  If you started a strength training program, and stuck to it, the act of resisting the weights or even your own body weight would make you stronger.  Eventually you would need to add weight to the bar, or add repetitions of pushups (for example) in order to feel like you were getting a workout.

The same is true when it comes to raising our kids.  Making it too easy on them means they are not increasing their capacity to cope with life.  Making it too hard is also not beneficial, so we should strive to keep them in that zone of proximal development, where they have to continue to grow and develop.

Think of it this way.  It would be a complete waste of a year for a typical sixth grader to be doing first grade work.  In fact, it could be argued that developmentally, it might even be considered cruel, as the child’s academic development would definitely be held back.

Why then is it so hard for many parents to see that the same is true with work, self-reliance, and discipline for their kids.  They need to learn these as habits when they are young, and increase as they are able, so that when they are adults they will have a modicum of self-respect.  Children are not born with discipline.  Infants are actually natural tyrants by design, with no regard for their parents’ basic needs, like sleep for example.  This is by design for survival purposes, but should not remain this way indefinitely.

Like all other skills, we must teach kids discipline from the beginning, so they will have self-discipline when they grow up.  Self-discipline gives them the power to do the things they will need to do in order to become the people they want to become.  And without it, very little is possible.  Extreme lack of discipline can turn one into an emotional cripple.  Self-discipline therefore leads to personal empowerment and self-respect.

While every parent wants to see their children happy, it is absolutely critical that we don’t only look at the short term, or the immediate moment, when it comes to our children’s happiness.  A longer term approach will often help guide us, when it comes to deciding how “easy” we really want our kids to have it.

Photo: FireChickenTA99

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