As parents, many of us have a natural inclination towards making life as easy as possible for our kids.  We want them to have it better than we did, and certainly don’t ever want to see them suffer.

But is that really the best thing for them?  Sometimes when life is too easy in childhood, it becomes too hard in adulthood.

Some of the world’s most successful people were born poor, and attribute their later success to the fact that they learned how to work early on.  That is not to say that we should aspire to be poor for its inherent lessons, but it does mean that we may not want to chew and swallow our kids’ food for them either.

Resistance makes us stronger.  Think about it.  If you started a strength training program, and stuck to it, the act of resisting the weights or even your own body weight would make you stronger.  Eventually you would need to add weight to the bar, or add repetitions of pushups (for example) in order to feel like you were getting a workout.

The same is true when it comes to raising our kids.  Making it too easy on them means they are not increasing their capacity to cope with life.  Making it too hard is also not beneficial, so we should strive to keep them in that zone of proximal development, where they have to continue to grow and develop.

Think of it this way.  It would be a complete waste of a year for a typical sixth grader to be doing first grade work.  In fact, it could be argued that developmentally, it might even be considered cruel, as the child’s academic development would definitely be held back.

Why then is it so hard for many parents to see that the same is true with work, self-reliance, and discipline for their kids.  They need to learn these as habits when they are young, and increase as they are able, so that when they are adults they will have a modicum of self-respect.  Children are not born with discipline.  Infants are actually natural tyrants by design, with no regard for their parents’ basic needs, like sleep for example.  This is by design for survival purposes, but should not remain this way indefinitely.

Like all other skills, we must teach kids discipline from the beginning, so they will have self-discipline when they grow up.  Self-discipline gives them the power to do the things they will need to do in order to become the people they want to become.  And without it, very little is possible.  Extreme lack of discipline can turn one into an emotional cripple.  Self-discipline therefore leads to personal empowerment and self-respect.

While every parent wants to see their children happy, it is absolutely critical that we don’t only look at the short term, or the immediate moment, when it comes to our children’s happiness.  A longer term approach will often help guide us, when it comes to deciding how “easy” we really want our kids to have it.

Photo: FireChickenTA99

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